Thursday, September 25, 2008

Let's Play the Name Game

As usual, politicians and their camps are up to more ridiculousness in this years election. One of my favorite subplots has been the Republicans Exploitation of Barack Obama's unfortunate name.

As you have probably been reminded, Barack Obama's last name rhymes with Osama. As in Osama Bin Laden. For this reason we must fear him, fight him, possibly assasinate him, for why else would his name rhyme with the name of America's Most Wanted, than because of the fact that he is in league, allied to, and working for the Terrorist leader.

But that's not all. Ann Coulter has reminded us on several occasions that Obama's middle name is Hussein. Obviously this means Barack, if elected, will ressurrect Saddam Hussein, name him dictator of not only Iraq again, but America as well. Thus begins a reign of terror that will of course lead to the end of the world.

So is this how America wants to act? Anyone who was ever an enemy of this country, we denounce their name, and all who share it? Yeah, that should work. Everyone with a name like Osama or Hussein is probably evil and hates America any way. Otherwise why would they have that name, right?

But let's not stop there, let's round up all the worst people we can think of. Anyone with a name resembling Pol Pot or Adolf Hitler can not be trusted. Pol Pot killed close to a million people in the Cambodian Genocide. Hitler of course killed 12 million people, in the holocaust.

Following those lines, Josef Stalin has probably killed more people than anyone else in recent history. Many experts estimate he murderred over 25 million people. So let's round up all the Joes, Josephs, Joeys, and Jo's out there, as it's obvious they carry his penchant for murder.

And what about Traitors to America? Benedict Arnold in the Revolutionary War, and more recently, John Walker Lindh in the War On Terror. So let's toss anyone named Arnold, or Arnie, in prison. I guess California needs to find another Governor again.

And lest we forget, John McCain also carries the name of a traitor. I guess we need to chuck him in Prison too. He alsways seemed like a nice guy to me, and fiercely loyal to the country. But sometimes you can't argue with this kind of logic.

It's a good thing Ann Coulter has the best interests of America at heart.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I'm back

sorry for the lack of posts. I finally figured out my password problem and should be posting regularly again soon.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Presidential Paradox

Three United States Senators are now competing for the top job, President of the United States. Each one has tried over the past year, and will continue to prove, that they know what is best for this nation, and will be able to provide our country with the best possible guidance. They talk about how they will work hard for this country, and lead us out of all the problems we are currently in. They hype their own work ethic, brag about their accomplishments, and tout their leadership prowess. And yet, they each share one glaring flawthat no one seems to recognize.


Think about it. The States of Illinois, New York, and Arizona hired the best people they could find to represent their nation in the US Congress, entrusting these three to negotiate and vote in order to return the best results for their respective states. And yet, each one of them has spent the better part of 2007, and will spend a great portion of 2008, looking for a new job. What is wrong with our nation that we entrust people to work in our governement in a 6 year term, and allow them to take 2 years off? How is this in any way benefitting Arizona, Illinois, or New York, when one person has assumed the duties assigned to two? If I tried that at my job, I'd be fired in less than a week. And yet some of the msot important people in our nation are able to do it without anyone blinking an eye.

I know it takes quite a bit of time for America to narrow down the candidates for the most important job in the country, but I can't help but think that this is a terrible way to do it. and to consider that when we do pick someone for the job, they will spend 2 of their first four years trying to keep the job they aren't even doing! This entire process has become far too drawn out, and I fail to see the benefit of losing the services of Senators for a third of their terms. Not to mention, two of them will turn out to have wasted these last two years in a losing effort, and will go back to the same job they left behind, the job they didn't value enough to actually DO!

In the case of an election such as this one, with noe incumbent, All contenders should resign to allow another person to assume their duties and actually do the job they were hired for. If they lose, they have to run to get their job back again. You can't just leave a job looking for a new one, and then lcome back when it doesn't work out.

In the Case of an incumbent election, the challenger should have to resign from any Government position, and campaigning should not start until one year to the day of the election, to limit the time the president is campaigning and not in office.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Tigers: Run for your lives.

The Detroit Tigers are undoubtedly in a rough patch. We've lost 5 straight, our Ace gave up 6 earned runs last night, and the injury bug has been buzzing around the clubhouse, taking Miguel Cabrera, Gary Sehffield, and Curtis Granderson. The bullpen has looked weak, as expected, but our high powerred lineup has done absolutely nothing.

Many pundits and talking heads have immediatly thrown out the possibility of the Tigers sigining free agent Barry Bonds, to play DH. There is no doubt Barry can still produce, he would probably help the team when he's on the field.

But this is a completely terrible idea. Barry Bonds is second only to Jose Canseco, in doing the best in their power to destroy baseball as we know and love it. Jose takes credit for spreading the evil pills and syringes across the league, creating stars where there were none, such as Sammy Sosa or Jason Giambi. He has claimed to turn dozens of stars to steroids, and takes full credit for the home run boom that reignited major league baseball after the 1994 player's strike.

Through it all, there were very few people you could have confidence in that they were clean. Ken Griffey Jr. in Seattle, Pedro Martinez in Boston, and Barry Bonds. This was 40-40 Barry Bonds, weighing in at 205 lbs and just as much a threat for a triple as a homer. And then, in 1998, according to the authors of "Game of Shadows" he got jealous of the attention paid to Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa, and juiced himself up to 245 lbs, pure muscle and power hitting machinery. He chased down and demolished the record he so envied, and set his sights on tainted greatness. Hitting for only home runs, he cannibalized his teams talent, the talent that went to a World Series in 2002, in order to pass by his Godfather, Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, and finally, Hank Aaron. Along the way he drove away Dusty Baker, tore apart a clubhouse with his selfish tendencies and feuded constantly with the only player on the team with even comparable talent, Jeff Kent. When Kent and Bonds were contending for the same MVP Bonds tried to find out who won, so he could leave town if Kent took it, instead of congratulating his teammate.

And now they want to bring him to the Tigers. To a team of people who actually like each other. Who hang out together, and make each other laugh in the clubhouse, and get photographed rocking heavy gold chains borrowed from groundskeepers, flashing peace signs like gangsters, all for a Spring Training laugh. And they want Barry Bonds to ride in, with his giant watermelon head, his even larger self-opinion, and sit way in the back of the clubhouse, surrounded by his "staff" watching his own TV in his special reclining arm chair, refusing to associate with any member of the team. And maybe he'll knock a few into the Pepsi Porch, and drive im some runs. But ultimately, he will take the fun out of this team, drain the life from it, and surely compromise one of the best line-ups ever assembled.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

For the Love of God, Kwame, Just Stop!

I love Detroit. Growing up, my mom would go down there sometimes, into downtown to buy art supplies, or maybe to check out the city, when we had a little bit of time to waste before a Tiger game. I was always fascinated by the history I could see everywhere I turned, and just knowing that it was a place that was full of life. Unfortunately, I could also tell it was in disarray.
But there was progress. Dennis Archer did great things for the city. Ford Field and Comerica Park were born, the Fox theater was resurrected. Detroit was on the national stage twice, for the MLB all-star game in 05 and the Super Bowl in 06. We succeeded in both ventures, led by the great leadership and dedication of Roger Penske, Mike Illitch, and other successes from the area who wanted to help. The city was growing, and becoming more upscale. Lofts were sprouting everywhere, going for $200,000 or more. Development plans were proposed to build condos along the Detroit River. Compuware moved their headquarters here, and Google temporarily moved their headquarters to Ann Arbor, briefly considering setting up shop in Detroit.
But one man stood in the way at every turn. Kwame Kilpatrick. Scandal after scandal. The Navigator. Running up bills at sporting events, paying for ridiculous things with money from a city that was almost out of the woods, but not quite there. And now here we are. He had an affair, illegally fired people who found out, and used 8 million in city funds to sweep it all under the rug.
And now, the city of Detroit is a punchline. The nations media is telling everyone that Detroit is, in fact, just a dirty, run down city with a thug running it.
I wish I was angry. I wish I was disapointed. I wish I was frustrated. Instead, I just have this empty feeling, as though the efforts of hard working people, the hope of a city, a state, a region, are being pissed away by a Jackass who rode in on Mama's coattails and immediatly placed himself securely above the law.
And all iI can think is that everything that was happening, all the success, progress, and again, the hope, is all for nothing. And the only thing we can do is start over. Again.